Sunday, December 26, 2004

Pretty vexed lately. Probably because of the Christmas performance that enemy ground is having tomorrow. Seriously, I really want to do my best, never has it been my intention of letting Mahmud down. The other day, Mahmud called and talked to naseer about the money that we will be getting for the performance. But to me it’s never about the money. Something Mahmud said woke me up. He said don care about the reward, do what you love to do, perform because you love to have fun. Then I realized that forcing people to practice the dance when the show is two days away is not what I love to do. Asking people to come down to discuss the dance and arrangement is not what I define as fun. Not practicing my flares and windmills and having to come up with dance routines while other members do what they love is certainly frustrating. Kelvin said that sometimes someone have to shout at them to get things going. One performance and it has taken me to realization on my hate for being in a crew. I really wish to meet a crew of committed members. I see the dancers dancing away; yes, I may always laugh at their gayish moves and so on and so froth. But seeing all of them being so committed at doing what they love, suddenly, I don mind being gay. I never like pushing and getting all the black faces looking at me like they are the puppets while I’m just pulling away at their strings. Am I not in this together? For the past Christmases, it has just been any normal day. This year might be my first time making a solemn wish.

All I wish for Christmas is for Christmas to be over.

There’s this girl I met not too long ago, the flowing tresses, the big almond eyes, the giant warming smile that melts my heart. Every thing I lay my eyes on her photograph, it never fails to set my heart pounding, yet giving me a feeling of serenity. The bronze skin and svelte figure exudes an aura of class, yet at the same time screaming of fun. Having yet to hear her voice, I could only imagine a warmest and rich tone that would be fitting. A voice of confidence, of sweetness, hyphenated with giggles and flashes of darlie teeth. Never had I wanted a chance so badly, a chance to get to know her better, even knowing that a person like me would never leave footprints in her heart.

Quite a number of things happened lately, the upcoming performance is one, the other is the new addition to my room, my hamsters, namely coma (he sleeps so much I sometimes think that he’s dead), windy (she really runs like the wind) and dime as in diamond (she has a brown spot on her forehead that’s in a shape of a diamond). They are really cute and their breed is white faced roborvoskii. Quite a rare species. Even my mum, who forbade me from getting them in the first place cause of the smell, went goo-goo ga-ga over them when I placed coma on her palm. My only fear is my dogs coming in and disturbing them, which haven happened yet, hopefully not. This time is definitely different from the last time I got hamsters. Most probably because they are really my own. Having paid for every thing, I got them a wheel, a wooden hut and a wooden slide. Therefore the tank has become rather small, but I like things small and cozy, it really looks cozy inside anyway. Another gadget that I got for them is the PC ventilator fan that I have yet to install. It will probably make the tank more airy and less smelly.

27th Dec 04

So Christmas is finally over. I was really quite peeved before the performance. On Christmas Eve, hamzah injured his shoulder, so I taught Mahmud everything that hamzah is supposed to do. As usual, he being the One learnt everything in a day. But still we decided that we should meet at 1pm the next day to practice before the performance. I woke up the next morning at 9am and started playing games before I realized that we won have speakers for practice later. So I made a few calls and decided that I make a trip over to zhihao’s place to borrow his speakers. It was 1230pm already and I thought that I would be late. Rushed out to marine parade only to realize that it has started pouring outside. Stopped by the road for my raincoat and quickly made my way out again. The road was super slippery and before I knew it, the van in front of me slowed down abruptly. I put my brakes to almost jamming them but I knew I was going to hit the van already. My heart was pounding so badly, I could almost taste the blood in my mouth. Luckily, the van started moving just before my front wheel almost touched his rear bumper. But that was enough for scares. I reached zhihao’s house and by the time I left his place, it was 1255pm already. Although still mindful of the near accident, I really didn’t want to be late and I managed to reach esply at 110pm in one piece. I’m blessed that it wasn’t raining over in town. But I reached there and what greeted me was space. I was the first one there. And the second to arrive was naseer at 2 pm. And the first question he asked me was, ‘Bert, what time you come?’ Breathing in deeply, I replied, ‘What time did you say we practice yesterday?’ Enough said. Turns out that not enough people turned out for the rehearsals; even kel didn’t turn up when he had the cd with him, he was out with some girl. Fine. I closed my eye and let it go, it is no longer me who would blow up and started shouting. I have grown past that already. But looking at them, just tells me volumes about my crew. The other day, naseer was complaining about the organizers and was saying that he would avoid doing business with Malays as much as possible because Malays are seldom as competitive as Chinese businessmen, therefore the difference in results. I kept quiet, not wanting to say the wrong thing. But now after all this practices and rehearsals, I can only say that now I know why you don like to work with Malays. But all in all, we still proceeded to the place and we waited for our turn to perform. And we waited. And waited. In the end, we helped to dance a bit for Maia and some abg hatta’s rappers. And our show was cancelled due to lack of program time. So kind of glad that we didn’t practice so much.

The thing ended at 12am. Train was out already, so I and naseer took a cab to esply to get our bikes back and when to lau pasat to chill for a while. Ordered some food and ate damn full. Had a nice chat with him too. When I finally got home, it was 2am. Played with my hamsters before conking out, completely exhausted.

Sunday was better. I went to dinner with Charlene, one of my best female frens and we watched phantom of the opera. It was quite a nice show surprisingly. End of the year is coming already; I must get my flares by the end of this year. Suntec dance comp is still in my mind.

Lastly, merry Christmas to all~

gilbert at 7:42 PM [comment]

{I hear voices, voices only half as humane as mine..}